Ariana Grande Reacts to Mac Miller's Death, 'I'm So Sad … So Sorry'

Ariana Grande to Mac Miller

So Sorry I Couldn’t Take Away Your Pain

9/14/2018 12:59 PM PDT

Ariana Grande is sharing her heartbreak over Mac Miller‘s death for the first time, and her emotions include anger, sadness … and deep regret she couldn’t get him to stop using drugs.

Ariana posted a video she’d shot of Mac back when they were dating — it’s a touching clip of both of them giggling as he playfully asks her to stop recording. In the caption, she says, “I’m so mad, I’m so sad I don’t know what to do. you were my dearest friend.”

She adds, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix or take your pain away. I really wanted to.”

Mac and Ariana were a couple for about 18 months, and he was by her side during the Manchester bombing.

She insinuates they had discussed the possibility of him overdosing … saying, “I really can’t wrap my head around it, we talked about this. so many times.”